the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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