my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
