I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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