I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.