apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail