and you said cock pushups were impossible
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing