what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.