Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.