After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We're too hungover to prance.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
