No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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