I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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