sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
