oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
