no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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