Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
