Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
