We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
