Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
