You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize