I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
