$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sober January is a disaster.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize