cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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