I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
