I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
