Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
