Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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