I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
