Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
