Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
