Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
