u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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