so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
