i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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