Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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