Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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