Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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