Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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