I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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