I hate your face
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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