Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
