i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
