Pappa wants mamma naked
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
