youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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