i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
