If that was your dad, he is hot
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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