I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He has the fingertips of a God
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