well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
