Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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