Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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