please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We left the knife in your bed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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