I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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