Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
