I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm too high and old for this...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
