i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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