the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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