He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
