New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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