Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
