I need help removing her.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
