i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize