Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
COCAINE IS GR8
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