That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
