Yo dont text me then not text me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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