Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
