i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
